I'm sharing this everywhere, by the way.


Scenario One: I'm picking Baby Sister up; my dad is babysitting my cat. I have Baby Sister call Dad and ask him how my cat's doing.

Baby Sister: Hello, Dad? Wayward's asking how the cat is.

Dad: Oh, he's dead.

Baby Sister: Oh. OK. Is he inside the house, though, or did he run out?

Dad: I told you, he's dead. I cooked him in the microwave.

Baby Sister: Yeah, but is he dead inside the house?

*

Scenario Two: My sister has some news to share.

Baby Sister: Wanna hear my impression of a British guy doing an American accent?

Me: Uh... OK.

Baby Sister (in her British-American accent): 'Hello'.

Me: ...That's it?

Baby Sister: Yeah. Don't I sound like Robert Pattinson?


*

Scenario Three: Baby Sister discusses philosophical things.

Baby Sister: You know how they say that you're only comfortable with people if you can bear the silence around them? Well, for me, it's the opposite. If I'm comfortable with people, you can tell because I just keep talking around them, even if what I'm saying doesn't make sense.

Me: Does that mean you're comfortable with me?

Baby Sister: Yeah. I'm comfortable around you. I can say anything blu-blu-bleh magic-man. Omigod, look at my muscles.

Me: What the fuck?

*

Scenario Four: Baby Sister wants to smell her hat. In the middle of a crowded coffee house.

Baby Sister: I'm gonna smell my hat. Which angle should I do it at so that nobody sees?

*

Scenario Five: Baby Sister is bored.

Baby Sister: I'm bored. Do you have anything for me to read? Catching Fire? (In a weird accent: ) Mock-ing-jay?

Me: What the hell was that?

Baby Sister: That was me, speaking in a British-Texan accent.




OK, so maybe it's just Baby Sister, then. That's why, kids, y'all shouldn't do drugs.